Q59
Last night I saw Babygirl with my friend Rachel. It was depressing in my opinion and made me think about how complicated and fraught my relationship to sex has been thus far in my life. Are we all doomed? I couldn’t help but wonder.
Getting home is still an adventure because I live in Queens now (as I’ve mentioned and will continue to write about probably because wow it’s a whole new world) so all my routes are different and I’m still getting use to it. Google maps suggested I take the Q59 the whole way home from Williamsburg Cinemas. I'm all too familiar with the Q59…I’ve taken it to my late boyfriend’s (he’s not dead, I am still struggling with the word “ex”) house many times, its the bus he’d text me from most days, letting me know he was on his way home from work and it’s the bus he got on and waved at me from when I broke up with him… I awkwardly stood at the bus stop crying with my hands in my pocket as it drove away.
I got on the bus last night with some trepidation and excitement. I love any excuse to think of him and I know the route well. I try store up my missing points for really good opportunities such as these. The missing can be so sweet sometimes. We drove over the Grand St. bridge on its grimy body of water and past the Amazon warehouse. We drove by the Italian bakery where he’d get us desserts most nights. I thought about getting off the bus and walking up his street - Why not? His light would be off anyway.. but what if I saw him fucking some other girl! No bad idea. Also that is creepyyyyy. I stayed on the bus as it drove past the grocery store where we discovered a quarter machine with poop themed snack logos like Doodyritos, Caca Krispies and Hamturder Helper. And then past the Maspeth Christmas tree, the smallest, most unimpressive Christmas tree (it was on a slant) where we went to the tree lighting last year and watched a children’s choir sing in the rain. Then Patrizia’s where we had some really good Italian dinners and some really bad one’s too. The last time we ate there it was good and I flashed him outside the restaurant. And finally past all the pizzerias we never got to try together…. as the bus reached Queens Boulevard I was on my turf and out of the woods.